Wednesday, July 13, 2011

where do I even begin?

Today started out well. Aside from working my buns off. But that's nothing new.
I got to play catch up with an amazing friend who I haven't spoken to in FOREVER. He always gives me great advice :)
And then I dipped my toes into a tiny puddle of a social life with the people I like to refer to as my work family. I'm extremely fond of most of my work family. There are however a select few who I wouldn't think twice about shoving under a herd of ugly cows if given the chance.
Around 2pm is when my day turned odd.
How exactly does one respond to a text that says: "Apparently Leo took a shit on the counter"
(Leo being my cat, the anonymous texter being my husband)
Let's just say I arrived home to an interesting sight.

As if the shit left in my kitchen wasn't enough shit for me to deal with...
Now I've got people who DON'T even have facebook asking me about my status updates and posts. Look, I realize I'm super-awesome in every possible way a human being can be but pleeeeaaaase don't creep on me like that. It really weirds me out. Everything I have to say is interesting, yes. So just add me on facebook and read my brilliant words yourself.

St. John's is starting to sound better every day. I miss the island. I miss the ocean. I miss the friendliness.
Who am I kidding? I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. On the plus side I've made a few real friends in this crappy city.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

DAY ONE...again

Let's be honest here people. We all knew this was going to happen. I didn't even get to 'day two' before screwing it up. SO WE ARE GOING TO KEEP TRYING UNTIL WE GET IT RIGHT, GOSH-DARNIT. I am going to blog everyday for 30 days.... starting now.

I find myself trying new things and jumping out of my comfort zone more often these days. Maybe it's something that comes with age? If you would have told me a year ago that I would try a mushroom, I would be floored. (I'm talking about the food, not drug... although judging by my sporadic behavior these days I'd probably try that one too.) I'm still learning how to grow up. I guess this is me morphing into a super awesome adult. I'm going to put out an effort to continue to eat my veggies and perhaps one of these day I'll figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Let's call this "DAY ONE"

Prepare yourselves.
I'm going to blog everyday for 30 days. I'm not really sure why. It should be interesting, though. Seeing as how I've never been able to commit to anything for more than a week. (Except for my marriage) Haha
so, like, uhhhh... here we go:

Leo and I just finished watching an episode of MTV's 16 and pregnant. Nah, let me rephrase that. I just finished watching an episode of MTV's 16 and pregnant while Leo slept on my husbands oh-so-expensive dress pants. I would move him BUT he looks too darn cute. Anyway, that show makes me cry. Every. Single. Time. Unless there's someone other than the cat in the room. In which case I put on my big girl pants and say "PSHHH shoulda wrapped it before he tapped it!" I have an unhealthy obsession with distasteful reality television and I don't care who knows it.

This concludes day one. Bless your heart if you make it to day 30.

Sunday, April 10, 2011


knock knock

who's there?


Amanda who?

Amanda fix the refrigerator is here.

AHAHAHAHA thanks mom and dad. you both are so friggin HILARIOUS. these jokes never got old during my traumatic childhood. really. bravo. i'll be sure to name my child something equally as stupid. like Ug Lee. or Wayne Ker. or Mike Hunt. thanks to you two my future offspring already hates me.

This weekend I learned...

All I need to cure a pissy mood is an hour and a half at the spa.

I also learned that it is much easier to spend my husband's money while he is distracted with clients and therefore cannot utter the word "no".

I like sushi.
I don't like waiting an hour for said sushi.
I also don't like it when the waitress delivering this sushi cannot speak my language... It makes it much too difficult for me to complain.

And most importantly, I've learned that I really really REALLY do enjoy complaining. Even if it means me having to attempt another language that I have -no- knowledge of or experiment with hand gestures that I've never even seen myself use in the past.

Saturday, March 5, 2011


The internet was invented so that I could say things to/about people without getting into any REAL trouble. I'm gunna say what's on my mind. I'm gunna be offensive. I'm gunna share things that I think are funny when in reality they are plain rude. If you can't handle it DO NOT READ IT. I realize this isn't very "christian" like... but screw it. We all need to vent and I'm pretty sure that Jesus is gunna love me anyway. Most of the time, I just say (or type) words that people are already thinking but won't say it themselves.

The lesson in todays blog is to NOT take things on the internet seriously. Lighten up. It's time to worry about you, your family and where YOUR life is going. Not mine. And most definitely not what I'm writing on the internet.

Side note* I'm in a terrible mood today. Lucky for me I write best while ticked off. I'll be sure to document today's events in my book.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I have a confession

There. I said it.
Haters gunna hate.
I especially love snooks and Jenni. Not only are they hilarious but they teach young girls around the world that it's ok to get drunk off your ass every night! & it's ok if you don't have any REAL goals. && if people can't see your vagina, that dress isn't short enough. AND FOR CRAPS SAKE hook up with randoms!! Why? Because life is a joke. All you need to worry about is fist pumping and gorilla shopping.

gah, I wish my life was like that. Minus the STD's, hangovers, paparazzi, dead end careers, being labeled as a hoe... On second thought I'll just stick to watching them on tv. I need something to laugh at for an hour every Thursday night that doesn't involve any thinking.

Hey, at least they have a strong friendship. Sexually transmitted disease or not, they always have each others back.

Hello. My name is Mandy and....

I'm addicted to all things sweet. And yes, it's a serious problem. Everyone who knows me KNOWS that 99.99% of the time I will have some sort of candy on me.

I will hide it from the ones I love.
I will go out of my way to find it.
I will pay big bucks for it.
& I will deny ever touching it.

Sugar is my personal crack. If anyone out there knows of any support groups, please call me. That information will be greatly appreciated. :P

they tried to make me go to rehab but i said no no noooooo

Saturday, February 19, 2011

popcorn and memories

I sat down in front of my computer with the intention of watching a movie. Instead I began to search through old folders. Here I am an hour later... popcorn gone and a head full of amazing memories. I find myself doing this often. I have such amazing friends.

I'm going to start doing this

Don't think I won't.

Life Lesson #552

I'm gunna start to like you a whole lot less if you don't

Friday, February 18, 2011

L is for the way you look at me...

O is for OMG pick up your clothes!
V is for vacation. We need one.
E is for easy. Loving you is much too easy.

As you can tell I'm still in the valentines mood. This year, my husband and I used this romantic holiday as an excuse to shop and test drive new cars. Very typical for us. He did the whole flowers & dinner thing to shut me up and in return I rode co-pilot in a VW Passat. It's hard for me to remember what my life was like before my husband came along. Everything seems to fit (mostly) perfectly these days. It's almost too good to be true.

In every relationship there comes THAT moment. The moment you realize you're staring at the person you're going to be with for the rest of your life. My "moment" was incredibly silly. But it will forever be engraved into my mind. It was Christmas 2009. I was on holidays visiting my friends and family. My friend and I (who is now SUUURRPRIIISEE my husband... oh crap I just ruined the ending) were sitting in front of the tv, eating mushy kraft dinner and ketchup. We were catching up after not seeing each other for a couple of years. Out of no where, he caught me off guard and said something hilarious. Not like ha-ha funny. BUT REAL funny. He made me laugh for real. I hadn't laughed (for real) in such a long time. It was an amazing breath of fresh air. For that second I was me again. We were having the most amazing movie-like moment until my mother chimed in with her crazy portuguese accent. She yelled from two floors up: "AMAAAAANDDAAAA *insertnamehere* DOESN'T MAAAAKE YOOOUU LAUGH LIKE THAT". And click. Mamacita had a point. She confirmed what I already knew. This "friend" of mine got me. he understood me. He could make me laugh without even trying. That silly moment was the moment I realized that he was the thing missing in my life.

When we were 17 or 18... I can't remember which... he told me I was going to marry him one day. I told him he was crazy.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Babies and Dogs

Everyone is having babies and I'm not even allowed to get a dog.
My husband "put his foot down"
This marriage thing just got tricky.
tricky. tricky. tricky.

Sunday, January 9, 2011


A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this.
I've always heard that a good marriage requires falling in love many, many times always with the same person. And it's true. Every day I find myself falling in love with my husband all over again. Of course, we're still considered "newly weds" so maybe I should touch on this subject in a few more months...

I've learned that marriage is so much more than a piece of paper. It's teamwork. It's being selfless. It's LOVE. It's doing the dishes when you'd rather be playing Sonic. It's support. It's patience. It's honesty. It's knowing that person will NEVER walk out on you. It's being called 'honey.' It's beautiful.... It's tough.

It is so worth it.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Sleep Deprivation and McDonalds

The only thing worse than not being able to sleep is being McBloated.... everything delicious comes with a price.
Both sleep deprivation and McDonalds do weeeird things to the human body. Wait, no. Let me rephrase that. Both sleep deprivation and McDonalds do weeeird things to MANDY'S body. It's like there's a switch in my brain that goes off as soon as I screw up my sleep patterns. I go for walks at obscure hours of the night and have incredible urges to make pancakes. PANCAKES. wtf is that about? There's gotta be a support group out there for people like me.

I could go for a big mac right about now. With a side of pancakes.